Space. Mental space, that is. I am in Vancouver having just shot another scene for Husband’s show. My ego more in tact this time as less lines gave me the freedom to just enjoy the acting. Crazy how memorizing lines is my obstacle now; back in the day, it was the easiest part.
My nanny convinced me to stay a few extra days, so I did. It must be telling when one’s nanny thinks it a really, really good idea for you to take some time away! I had to laugh, as the alternative was, well, to cry really. Yes…I need a break from the monotony of it all and breathe in other influences. Tuesday was turning into Friday, back to Monday and on it went. I was feeling a bit stuck, and this trip and the acting job definitely came at a significant time.
It never fails that there is a moment in the process of being supportive wife where I’ve had almost enough; enough time on my own with the kids, enough running our lives by myself without Husband living any of it with us. The good news is that he feels the same and we remain on the same page. It’s not a reflection on my role as mom, it’s more of an understanding of myself that giving everything all day, every day, will also require a refueling of some kind. Funny how Life gave me this trip just when frustration was the dominant force. Yoga, late dinners, late rising and space…space to think, disconnect, dream and not watch the clock was all part of the refueling.
I’ve had a few days with no agenda and it took me a while to get my head round it. I was trying to not just fill the time but to enjoy the space it gave me. Time and space – a new frontier. I don’t read enough and Lord knows I need glasses, so that too is a simple yet exciting activity to do with my time. I used to deal with quiet quite well, and now my life is so loud that the silence is unsettling. Alone in the flat most days, I spent a lot of this new found time looking out over the marina trying to think of absolutely nothing.
It was on the plane ride home that I realized that my mind was empty, clear, settled. And oh how the silence was sweet sounding.